Loneliness can have serious impacts on mental and physical health. But how do we recognize it? A well-connected person may suffer from loneliness, while a lonely person may not be affected by it. So what should we do if we suspect that a relative is suffering from loneliness? Or that we are suffering from it ourselves? Several initiatives can help to overcome this situation.
What is loneliness
Loneliness is a painful feeling that occurs when a person feels alone. It is important to distinguish loneliness from a person’s solitary nature, because sometimes it is chosen and not necessarily a source of negative feelings. Some people may resort to it voluntarily in order to reflect, meditate, and spend some time in peace…
Everyone has different needs, which can vary over time, and some people need more social interaction than others. People who are more introverted, in general, tend to have less of this need. Therefore, a person can be lonely without suffering from loneliness. On the other hand, it is possible to suffer from loneliness while being surrounded by people. For example, a person may feel lonely if he feels ignored or misunderstood by those around him.
Loneliness can also lead to social isolation, when the person cuts himself off from his social environment.
What causes loneliness
Anyone can experience feelings of loneliness, but it is clear that these feelings affect some people more than others, depending on various factors, so what causes loneliness?
Personality and character
Personality type and character can affect how a person feels socially.
It is quite common for hyper-sensitive and high IQ individuals to feel a greater need to withdraw into themselves to investigate or reflect, which can lead to loneliness at some points.
People with social phobia have difficulty performing simple activities in public, such as talking or eating. These individuals fear the judgment of their actions or behavior by others, and may feel isolated in a crowd.
Finally, the perception of self-value can directly impact the feeling of social isolation and loneliness: a job or a social status that is not highly valued by friends or society in general can lead to a feeling of isolation.
Life events and stages
- Life is punctuated by events that can all lead to feelings of loneliness:
- Adolescence: this is a period during which we may feel different from others or misunderstood;
- Moving: this takes us away from places, situations and people we know and brings to mind the notion of a new beginning, a loss of reference points;
- Death of a close relative;
- The loss of a job or a source of income can force people to change their habits and have fewer social interactions;
- Retirement: there is a 50% loss of daily contact following retirement. This stage of life can be particularly difficult for people who haven’t prepared for it. Not seeing colleagues every morning or losing the link with active society can be a source of frustration for some people;
- Conflict in the family, between couples or among friends: even temporary, disputes can drive family members or communities apart.
Geographic location
The feeling of loneliness can arise more easily depending on where you live: ironically, loneliness seems to be reduced in the countryside, where people are geographically isolated, but where everyone knows each other and where people form ties more easily despite the distance. On the other hand, in the city, physical proximity may be present in a building or a neighborhood. Still, the feeling of loneliness is stronger, because people pay less attention to each other.
How does loneliness affect mental health
Loneliness generally leads to a decrease in motivation and mood. The affected person becomes less active, which creates deconditioning both physically, mentally and socially. Loneliness also increases the risk of common mental disorders, such as depression, anxiety or burnout. Without a sense of support from people around the individual, negative emotions and thoughts become more prevalent.
There are even indications that social isolation may reduce life expectancy. One study found that socially isolated people were at greater risk of premature death, regardless of their underlying health problems. However, while social isolation and loneliness can impair our cognitive function, there is also evidence that reconnecting with our social lives and making new connections can reverse the negative effects of isolation.
How to overcome loneliness in life
To fight loneliness, you not only need to multiply your initiatives to get out of isolation, but you also need to change your mindset and adopt new behaviors. So here are our best solutions to help you overcome loneliness.
1- Analyze your needs
It is important to prioritize your needs and shortages to avoid giving the wrong priority. Is your feeling of loneliness linked to the loss of social ties (unemployment, moving, illness), or is it the result of a break-up with a lover or family? The important thing is to identify the most crucial needs or gaps causing you discomfort. This identification will allow you to better target your priority and see your expectations more clearly. It will also allow you to avoid thinking about your loneliness “as a whole”, which generates a feeling of weakness that prevents you from implementing the desired change.
2- Take care of yourself
Isolation and involuntary withdrawal are factors in depression and loss of self-esteem. The more you feel excluded, the less you value yourself and the less you treat yourself properly. Therefore, it is essential to start taking care of yourself physically and emotionally before reconnecting with others. Take care of your physical appearance, and engage in some kind of physical activity, sport or art. Make a list of things that could make you feel better every day. And above all, give priority to small pleasures, those you neglect believing that “anyway, that’s not going to change your life”. Finally, take the time to list your various skills and talents (from the smallest to the most important) and review your list regularly to boost your self-confidence.
3- Fight negativity
Researchers have found that feelings of loneliness and isolation make people more negative and critical. Two dispositions that do not promote relational openness. Start by identifying the times when your negative beliefs or overly critical judgments overwhelm your caring and trust in life and others. Then, for each of these negative beliefs or observations, play the devil’s advocate by trying to find one or two arguments that contradict them. Then try to practice a gratitude exercise at the end of each day. Replay the whole day and identify all the little moments that were easy, enjoyable or rewarding. Focus on each one by reliving it and being grateful for it. You can also write down three of these positive events every day in a notebook. Over time, your view of the world and of others will become more positive. Your desire to take your place in a less hostile world will make reaching out to others easier.
4- Connect with others
One of the pitfalls of isolation and loneliness is neglecting the small connections of everyday life. Keep in mind that a relational and social life is made up of thousands of small threads. Volunteer to nourish the daily exchanges your day offers: with your colleagues, the shopkeepers you visit, and your neighbors. Have lunch with your colleagues more often if you usually don’t. Join an activity group (walking, reading, meditation), or a neighborhood association (parents, culture…). You can also try to find old friends from high school or university, or even family members, on the Internet.
5- Take care of other people
Feeling useful reinforces your self-esteem and changes your relationship dynamics. It is also the best way to break out of emotional isolation and reconnect with the feeling of belonging to the human community. Instead of asking yourself: “Why don’t I get anything from anyone?”, why not reverse the question and ask yourself how you could help and support others. Some possible ways: offer to babysit your neighbors’ children, offer your services to the elderly in your neighborhood, volunteer on weekends, get involved in an animal shelter if you love animals, etc.
6- Have a good night’s sleep
The advice may seem odd and not directly related to loneliness, but it is not. Researchers have found that lack of sleep or poor quality sleep has a “de-socializing” effect. Not only do bad nights negatively impact mood and emotions – discouraging others from engaging with you – but the fatigue and irritability they generate pushes you into withdrawal. So make sure you optimize the conditions of your sleep. Practice breathing and relaxation exercises before bedtime, eat lightly, and turn off the screens (television and computer) an hour before going to bed.
7 – Adopt a pet
Everyone knows that animals are man’s best friend, and the benefits of having a pet for seniors are confirmed. If you feel lonely, why not adopt a pet? You will benefit from a precious presence at your side and especially from a companion that you have to take care of, that you can talk to, etc.
A cat can bring you comfort, while a dog can allow you to meet new people during your daily walks together.
8. Opt for group travel
Many travel agencies offer trips for single people. This is an excellent opportunity to go on vacation, change of pace, meet new people in a beautiful environment, and enjoy plenty of activities. You will probably make new friends, or you might even find love.